Final blog

I can't believe that it is already the end of the semester and this is my last blog post. It feels like the semester was just starting. I have been trying to figure out what to write in my last blog. I had a few ideas but after reading some other final blogs I was not sure how to follow them. But its not a competition.

This semester has been crazy and stressful. I had no idea this would be one of the best and worst semesters I have ever had. Having four math classes and an education class has definitely pushed me to and past my breaking point a few times. I have had moments where I would be in tears and just didn't want to go to school anymore. But this semester has also pushed me and challenged me in so many ways. I have gotten to know so many great people and we have become some sort of weird family because we spend so much time together.  I have come to learn so much more about myself and what it takes to be a teacher.

All of my blogs have been about my observations and substitute jobs this semester. Things I have noticed about students, the questions they ask, and questions I have about how to address issues in the classroom. But there is two things I have not yet blogged about. That is what it takes to be a teacher and if I am making the right decision about my career.

While observing I believe most people pay very close attention to the students in the classroom and how a teacher teaches their class. But something I don't think many people look at or pay attention to is what the teacher does before and after those classes. Like other people have mentioned in their blogs, I believe teachers are under appreciated. I also believe that teaching is the hardest job anyone could have. Now I'm sure many people would disagree with that statement but everyone has a right to their own opinion and I don't expect everyone to agree with me. In other jobs, if you try to teach someone how to do a job and they don't know or ever get it you can just give them another task to do that is easier for them. But with teaching if someone doesn't understand what you are teaching, then you need to find other ways to teach it until they do understand. It is up to a teacher to make sure everyone learns how to do each of the topics. When students don't do well then the teacher is said to be a bad teacher. But is it always the teachers fault?

While observing and subbing I have seem some of the hardest working people I know. I see teachers stay after school for hours making review sheets for each individual student who has failed a test. Not one review, but instead they sit their and go through each test writing down where the student went wrong and basically rewriting the class notes for each one of the incorrect answers. I see teachers waiting after school for students to come in to go over things they don't understand and the students never show up. I hear stories about how student just take a chance on the first test and then ask to try again and again only to "wing it" every time. I watch as a teacher create a worksheet to reteach a lesson for a second time with step by step notes on how to do problems after students don't do well on homework. Then when given 6 problems to try again, students still can't get the answer right even though it is written out step by step in an example. Teachers put in countless hours of work to try to help students who don't care. Teachers try activities and teach in different ways and yet students waste time and don't even try. So when does a teachers job end? Other jobs clock in and out and get to go home but when do teachers get to "clock out"?

This is the career that I have chosen (at least for now). I have heard so many comments about my career choice that it is impossible to list them all. "Why would you want to be a teacher? They don't make much?" "But you are so smart why not go into engineering or something?" I have even had teachers telling me not to be a teacher and yet here I am. The truth is I did not always want to be a teacher. Growing up I wanted to be a dolphin trainer. I loved dolphins and bought everything that had a dolphin on it (ok not everything). My parents took me to Sea World and my dad and I got to be dolphin trainers for a day once when we were on vacation. But that all changed my junior year of high school when I watch a documentary and I realized that it was wrong. My plan for my life changed and I had no clue what I wanted to do anymore. I knew I was good at math and chemistry at the time but didn't know what I could do with that. That year I ended up teaching another student an entire lesson in my math class and he got a 100% on his test. That is when I started thinking about teaching. This was a problem however because I hated talking in front of people. I would get so nervous and my face would turn red every time I had to present. So how was I every suppose to be a teacher?

Once I started college I still didn't know if teaching was right for me. I started volunteering at the high school I graduated from but I was still so hesitant to help any students during class. I loved helping teachers by filing, grading, organizing, and doing whatever they needed me to do but I did not want to talk in front of the class. I knew that if I was going to be a teacher I had to be a teacher assistant and student teach at some point. So I continued to volunteer hoping that I could get more comfortable in the classroom. A couple years went by and I was in my fourth year of college. I had started to become more comfortable in the classroom and tried to help students as much as I could while I was there. By the end the year I decided to finally declare education to my major but still wondered if it was the right decision. I also decided that I would become a substitute because people say subbing is harder than being a teacher. I was a little hesitant but I knew these teachers I had gotten to know at the high school would have my back and would never put me in a situation I was not ready for.

Now to this year. I am now a substitute, I am taking four math classes, and still don't know if teaching is right for me. My first substitute job was here. I was so nervous and found out that I was going to be teaching. Although I was so happy this teacher believed in me so much that she wanted me to teach her class, I was still so incredibly nervous. I had never taught a class before. But you already know this story from my previous blogs. Even though I have been able to sub multiple times and I continue to get even more comfortable in the class room, I still find myself doubting my ability as a teacher. There are days when I think to myself I will be a great teacher. But other days I wake up and think how am I ever going to do this? How am I ever going to be like those teachers I observe? I will never be as good as them.

Choosing your career is probably one of the biggest decision we make in our life. Society makes us think that we need to know what it is we want to do the moment we graduate from high school. But here I am now in my fifth year of college and I still don't know if teaching I right for me. I love going to the high school to observe and help out. I am starting to build these connections with students and that is something that I have never been able to do before. They like having me as a substitute and they are starting to ask me for help when they get stuck on a problem. I wish I could be there more than twice a week because I am enjoying it so much. I love to see that "a-ha" moment when students finally get something. I love being able to help someone when they don't understand something. I love when students come to me almost as a mentor. I love when these students succeed and I help them get there.

Although I am not sure if teaching is right for me I look forward to the lessons and experiences that are still to come. I have enjoyed this semester and getting a chance to share my experiences with you. Thank you so much for reading my blogs and for the comments. Like always here is my question for you. What do you see yourself doing in the future? Is it ok if students don't know what they want to do?